cupcake
by Sequizurx
Summary: [oneshot x for lamatikah's contest] and then she changed her mind. that would be a waste of a daydream. [canon, kairicentric]


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»--**cupcake--**»

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**-**

Kairi's nails screeched down the tall metal bar as she clawed angrily at it. It wouldn't budge, no matter how hard she shook it, it wouldn't so much as rattle or creak, let alone break or bend and let her escape.

The high-pitched collision of metal and nail ricocheted off the walls of her cell and rippled up her arm, making her shudder and cringe, squeezing her eyes tight shut.

"Why won't you let me _go_?" she groaned in exasperation, her teeth gritted together so tightly her words were hardly understandable. She didn't really know who she was yelling at. It had been made perfectly clear to her that none of the Organization gave a damn what happened to her; she was just a tool, a piece of bait to lure Sora into their trap.

She let out a strangled sob and crumpled to the floor in a heap. Hugging her knees to her chest, she flexed her sharp nails and sunk them into her flesh, leaving purple half-moon marks on her bony kneecaps.

She hated it, hated herself for what she had become. The darkness had seeped into her and wrenched itself brutally away, tearing her apart, shredding her into tiny little pieces from the inside to the out. And then, just when she was at her weakest, he abandoned her, left her alone in a place where nobody knew, and nobody understood.

Tidus, Wakka, Selphie? Sparring, Blitzball and yellow nail polish? What was the point in trying to make her nails look pretty and girly when all she used them for was causing pain?

-

_"'Banana Sunshine', Kai! Isn't it cute? How 'bout I paint your nails for you, huh?" Selphie beamed. "Won't that be cool? Huh? Kairi?"_

_Kairi didn't answer, only looked blankly up at the girl standing over her, hands hooked through her belt loops, an expectant grin on her rosy face._

_Kairi knew she wasn't rosy. Kairi couldn't catch the sun, and warmth repelled her. Kairi couldn't be happy and smiley. Kairi could only be cold and silent and heartless._

Heartless.

_Kairi hated that word, because she knew what it meant. Nightmares of those surreal black creatures, beady yellow eyes surveying her greedily with more than innocent curiosity, skinny antennae twitching freakishly with each crooked step they took, closer and closer towards her cowering figure..._

-

It might've been different if she had a Keyblade, or if she was with him while he had the Keyblade. But he didn't trust her, had declared that she would "get in his way". His words had struck her deeply, allowed the great gaping hole in her heart to unravel just a little bit wider.

He had worn away at her, searched for her, and then carelessly tossed her aside once he accomplished his task, as if she were a limp, broken ragdoll lying in tatters.

He didn't really want her. He never had done. He was just trying to play the hero, thinking she needed a knight in shining armour so soar in and save her. She had given him her gratitude, made flamboyant gestures with her arms, hugged him tightly, thanked him over and over again. But it was never enough. Not for him, who expected everybody to sing his praises after his supposed acts of chivalry.

Because that was all they were; acts. He wasn't being himself at all, he was trying to play the hero, trying to beat Riku at something. But Riku was ten times the person Sora was. He had dedicated himself solely to rescuing Kairi, not for respect or attention, but because he was genuine. Not like Sora, a selfish, childish boy too busy brandishing a giant key in the air and daring anyone to challenge him. Who knew how many helpless innocents he had killed on his quest for power? And all because he wanted to "go home"...

"Home." It was funny, misleading word, Kairi realised, remembering.

-

_Kairi nodded and smiled politely as her adoptive family welcomed her in, their faces supposedly pleased to see her after so long, even though they acted as though it was mere hours and minutes ago that she had skipped out of the house and rowed out to the Island with Riku and Sora. Maybe it _was_ only that long to them; perhaps time had paused after the world had been blown apart, and movement and memory only resumed after Sora had cockily pranced around, shooting smug laughter at opponents and displaying great acts of supposed "bravery"._

_"Hello, sweetie," her 'mother' greeted her kindly. "Dinner's nearly ready. Spaghetti, your favourite!"_

_Kairi nodded vaguely. She couldn't remember her favourite meal ever being spaghetti. She couldn't remember ever having had a favourite meal at all, but she was too tired to argue._

_"And for dessert- well, we were thinking maybe you could choose the dessert," her mother smiled broadly. "That'll be nice, won't it, Kairi?"_

_Kairi let her head bob up and down slowly, not wanting to hurt her adoptive mother's feelings, even though she could barely remember the woman at all._

_"So?" she prompted. "What are we going to have, Kairi?"_

_Kairi wasn't listening. She didn't care what they had for dessert, because she knew she'd never be able to stomach it. She felt sick to her very core, her heart ached and her head throbbed._

_"I... I don't... kn-know..." she murmured, shivering. She was freezing cold, so she only hoped she wouldn't have to eat ice cream._

-

Kairi snorted. Sora had never intended to come home. She had gone home of course, he had sent her. Forced her, even, refused to let her journey alongside him. She was girl, she wasn't worthy, she'd _get in his way_. He'd _come back for her_.

She hoped one of those mysterious dark creatures got at him. She hoped it would hobble feeble towards him, yellow eyes big and saddened. And maybe for a moment Sora's hand would falter, they Keyblade raised above his head ready to strike. Maybe he'd have a change of heart (if he had one, she thought bitterly), and for a second, just a second, no longer, the Shadow Heartless's eyes would on his, and he would lower his weapon.

Then the sharp golden eyes would glitter maliciously, as the Shadow swiped out with its crooked claws, tearing the tendrils in Sora's limbs, dark red blood seeping out from beneath his lifeless body, strewn heavily across the floor.

And for the first time in a long time, Kairi smiled.

-

_"They look brilliant, don't they, Kairi?" her mother prompted. "Kairi? Don't they look brilliant?"_

_Kairi didn't look up, she only swallowed the saliva gathering behind her silent lips and nodded._

_"You're not even looking!" her mother laughed heartily. "Come on, Kairi, look at the cupcakes!"_

_Aching from the effort it took, Kairi dragged herself to her feet and staggered over to the oven. She could see several round yellow-orange mounds aboard the oven tray, perched precariously on one of the metal shelves inside._

_"Brilliant," she agreed weakly._

_A shrill tone echoed into the kitchen, making a paranoid Kairi jump with shock._

_"Oh, good, he said he'd call round soon..." her mother murmured to no one in particular, and sashayed in a irritatingly happy manner out of the kitchen and towards wherever it was in the house that the front door was located. Kairi couldn't remember that either._

_"Keep an eye on the cupcakes, Kairi!" the woman called from the doorway._

_Kairi didn't much care about the cupcakes, but she watched them through the dark translucent oven door until they started to brown. She could hear her mother chattering on to somebody in another room, her voice high-pitched and annoying as ever._

_Kairi yanked the oven door open, snatched up the tray and tugged it out of the oven. The hot metal scalded her hands, leaving angry red burn marks where it had come in contact with her delicate, pale skin. She laid the tray down on the countertop and watched the cupcakes carefully. And slowly but surely, every single one of them sunk until they were more like small round pancakes, yorkshire puddings, or... hearts, with the centres gouged out of them._

_She let out a loud scream, hating herself. The cupcakes were ruined, and it was all her fault. Just like everything else was her fault. She was so stupid and ugly that Sora couldn't be bothered taking her anywhere or telling her anything, and her mother treated her like a foolish child who had been caught in the cookie jar._

_But Kairi didn't much care about the cookie jar. She didn't even know where they kept the cookie jar. She didn't know _anything_ about this place, and she didn't care to learn._

_She let out a high-pitched shriek, and slid slowly down the wall she was leaning on, her heavy head resting in her hands, sobbing tearfully, crying like a baby._

_Her mother and the visitor dashed into the room on hearing her outcry, thinking she had hurt herself. She hadn't- but somebody else had. And she thought she deserved it for being such a useless, foolish person._

_The stranger looked taken-aback by the sight. She found out later that he was the local doctor, and her mother had called for him because "she was worried"._

_Kairi screamed at him, her eyes squeezed tight shut._

_That was when all of Destiny Islands first dubbed Kairi insane._

-

She was smiling, the corners of her lips curling upwards into a crooked, spiteful smirk.

Then she felt a pang, felt an ache rattle around in her ribcage.

She was feeling... _happy_... about the idea of her best friend's cruel, cold-blooded murder. And then she changed her mind. She didn't want Sora to be slaughtered when he was least expecting it, after all. That would be a waste of a daydream.

No, instead, she wanted him to find her, curled up helplessly in her cage, "awaiting rescue", hoping his untimely death was on the cards.

She wanted him to see what he'd made her. A tortured, empty soul, full of boiling rage and hatrid at her own childish stupidity for trusting him, and her naivity for thinking anybody cared what happened to her. She wanted him to see what she'd become.

-

**a sunken cupcake.**

**-**

**a/n**: yesh. kairi ish a cupcake. this is fer lamatikah's contest. and it's exactly on the deadline. go me! i'm 'specting there to be lots of errors 'cause i'm tired. yup, that's my excuse. it's not grammatical ignorance, it's lack of sleep. xDDD


End file.
